Mother Of Mercy Is This The End Of Little Brain Cells?

I know a woman who has many interests. She cooks, plays bridge, does volunteer work, travels, goes to cultural events, takes classes, and collects miniature books. I probably have left one or two things off her list.

This woman, who I respect enormously, inspired me to create a points system. For every interest I have, I give myself at least one point. Work, family, and friends don't count, which is a shame because it means no points for obsessive googling (at least for me, although if any of you want to take it up as a hobby, I strongly recommend "Life As We Knew It" Pfeffer as a Google destination).

I updated my points list a couple of days ago, and was relieved to find I still had some interests and hobbies. There was (in no particular order): American Idol, figure skating (two points for that, one for following the sport via TV and internet, and one for attending skating events), volunteer work, movies, French and British history (up until the part I find boring and always including sex), current politics (an interest beginning Nov. 2006),decorating, baseball and tennis (both of which I only watch, although I did give Bobby Brown a black eye with a baseball bat back in fifth grade).

Alas, all these high class and intellectual interests are fading away, as I pursue my latest obsession. Shopping! For Clothes!!

Up until about a week ago, Shopping! was for DVDS!! which I have enough of to build an attractive and colorful seven room colonial with two and a half baths, an attached garage, and a turret. And that's just with the packages. The DVDs!! themselves can roof the house, pave the walkway, and be used for intimate dinner parties of four hundred (if I serve very small food).

But none of that matters. Instead all I care about is Shopping! For Clothes!!

I began my latest and best dressed obsession with a new pants suit to wear when I do my hour of autographing at NCTE. It's black with a dark red pinstripe. I wanted to look like Hilary Clinton, but alas, I look more like Edward G. Robinson.

Then I bought four pairs of slacks (blue, grey, black, and brown) at Macy's, because I decided I'm too old to wear nothing but blue jeans. This was followed by two pairs of pantyhose, which so excited Mr. J.C. Penney himself that he practically demanded I fill out a consumer survey and thrust a 15% off my next purchase coupon at me. Guess where I'm going today. Wearing my brand new, very mature,slightly itchy, blue slacks.

It's true that Shopping! For Clothes!! has completely taken over my mind. I'm currently reading Big Beat Heat, a book about Alan Freed (I have an interest in early rock & roll history, but not enough to give it a point).Last night I read the first sentence in Chapter 10, promptly put the book down and began perusing this week's J.C. Penney's flier. In spite of the fact that Alan Freed was a very snappy dresser.

Meanwhile, the paperback of Life As We Knew It is tentatively scheduled for May 1, 2009, and the dead & the gone is now scheduled for June 5. Both of these dates are Thursdays, meaning the books have far to go. Which, I hope, also means they'll go far.

But either way, I'll definitely need to go Shopping! For Clothes!! for next spring. Oh Mr. Macy! You too, Mr. Penney! Make me an offer I can't refuse!!!