All my life, I've wanted to be a grownup.
Now I don't want you to think I'm the sort of single minded person who had but one ambition and sacrificed everything to achieve it. Not only do I have serious doubts that I have achieved it, but I've had any number of other hopes, dreams, and aspirations. In chronological order, I also wanted to be a cowgirl, a writer, a movie star, a Great Film Director, and Queen Of The Universe.
Notice how the older I got, the greater the need for capital letters.
From my earliest days, I knew the advantages of being a grownup. No school. No homework. No mandatory bedtime. And my ultimate hope/dream/aspiration- my own bathroom.
In spite of my "I wanna be a grownup" ambition, I ended up in a field where my job was to entertain kids. There were any number of reasons for it. I outgrew my cowgirl outfit and my mother saw no reason to replace it. I never got discovered by a Hollywood producer (their loss). I barely passed my film classes at NYU. As far as Queen Of The Universe goes, well I'm still waiting.
In addition, writing for kids worked nicely with my personal limitations. A vocabulary level that ends at 5.6 on a good day? Perfect for writing for kids. An attention span that lasts at longest a month? Kid books are short. No interest or ability to write descriptions? Less stuff for the kids to read.
The other day in my obsessive googling, I found a newspaper that listed upcoming library events, and it said a certain library had scheduled an adult book discussion of Life As We Knew It.
Naturally I dug further to locate this incredibly sophisticated and lovable library. I located it, in a state ending in the letter "A." I then searched its calendar of upcoming events. And searched. And searched. Maybe, although my memory is as shaky as Our Attorney General, I may have searched again.
The library had no such book discussion group scheduled.
You'd think I'd be disappointed, but pathological optimist that I am, I just figure the newspaper got the date wrong. The Adult Book Discussion isn't scheduled for August 2007, but August 2008. After all, it takes adults a long time to read, mull over, reread, and remull any masterpiece, except maybe The Dream Life Of Balso Snell, which can be read and mulled in an hour, and 45 minutes of that is for mulling.
Le sigh. Being a grownup is clearly going to have to wait. In the meantime I'm off tomorrow to the Flying Pig Bookstore, in Shelburne, Vt. (I sure hope cat burglars don't read this blog), where I'm going to read the first day of school section of LAWKI, followed by the gruesome Yankee Stadium scene in the dead & the gone.
I'll let you know if any grownups show up If nobody shows up, always a possibility, I'm not going to tell you a thing.
And while I'm gone, if TPTB of the Universe are interested in offering me the Queenhood, my e-mail address is to the left. My only requirement is that I have my own bathroom.