Monday, October 4, 2010

Nibbled To Death By Vicious People Eating Ducks

Growl grump.

Hmm... It occurs to me you might be more responsive if I don't start out in such a whiny negative manner. Let me start over.

Laughy smiley growl grump.

Granted it's a grey gloomy day, with a whole week of them forecast, and that summer vanished when I wasn't looking. Granted also that a certain team that shall remain nameless but used to be known as the New York Yankees, played the entire month of September, not to mention the beginning of October, as though they were a certain other team that shall remain nameless but play the same sport in the same city, only generally not as well as the first team that shall remain nameless.

You know I hate to break up such a whiny negative blog entry, but I spent the weekend reading The Big Bam by Leigh Montville, a biography of Babe Ruth, and it was extremely entertaining.

Okay. Back to whiny and negative.

First of all, there's this movie coming out called Life As We Know It. I was watching the football game last night (which the Giants won, and the Jets won earlier in the day, so I can't be whiny and negative about everything, gosh darn it), and I had the TV on mute (I'm morally opposed to watching commercials), so I saw a commercial for the movie and thought it was a commercial for Parenthood, which I've never seen (although I did see the movie). But at the end of the commercial it said it was for Life As We Know It, a movie that clearly has a very big budget for advertising, since Sunday Night Football doesn't come cheap, and neither do full page color ads in the NY Times.

I've known about the existence of this movie for a little while, so none of this is taking me by surprise (except the size of their advertising budget). I haven't been able to find any early reviews, so this could be prejudice speaking, but my guess is it will turn out to be a major stinkeroony that will have no effect on my life whatsoever, except maybe to teach me how to spell stinkeroony.

My hope is that people will flock to the movie in droves and be so enchanted they'll rush to buy any book with a title similar except for one itsy bitsy vowel, and I'll end up extremely rich. But somehow I doubt it.

Then there's the great autographing dilemma. As you know, I had lots and lots of bookplates printed up, which I sent to any of you who asked (and you know, while I'm whiny and negative, I want to say a couple of times I sent vast amounts of them to schools and never heard that they'd arrived safely, let alone a thank you for sending them). But someone posted on an autograph collecting message board that I did this (and included a picture of the envelope I sent it in to confirm handwriting), and now I'm getting asked on a semi-regular basis for autographs and autographed pictures. And these people don't know my books. Most likely, they've never heard of me. To them, I'm just a sucker with a stamp, and I don't like it. I now doubt every request that comes in, including those that seem perfectly reasonable but also include the desire for an autographed picture.

While I'm on the subject of email, I have other problems as well. For starters, a very good friend of mine had her email address corrupted (and not in an interesting way), and now when I get emails from her, they offer me the option of buying Viagra cheap. And if that weren't bad enough, since yesterday evening, I've gotten emails informing me that I've made donations or purchases by way of Paypal to someone named Bob Retolla. Since I had never heard of Bob Retolla, but who knows what I do in the wee small hours of my sleeping pill mornings, I googled the name and discovered this is a vicious international plot to steal money and IDs from Paypal, and I should never ever follow the link to deny the payments, because once you do that, you're doomed.

Well, I'm doomed anyway, but I hadn't followed the link, so I'm probably okay there. Take that, Bob Retolla. Or rather, don't take that, Bob Retolla.

My current plan is to run away from home and go to the mall this afternoon and see The Social Network and try to return those black jeans I was so excited about to Macy's, because I've washed the jeans 12 times and they still have a nasty smell to them. Well, I'll start with the jeans and then go to the movies.

If Macy's takes them back and The Social Network is as good as I'm certain it will be (no stinkeroony it), then maybe my mood will brighten and I'll start mailing out autographed pictures to my new best friend Bob Retolla!

9 comments:

Lisa said...

hope Macy's took the jeans back. In reference to your negatives, here is a positive. I had a 7th grader come to me and tell me she has NEVER liked anything she has EVER read (why she is still reading is a question for another day - perhaps a quest for the "perfect" book?) So we trounce around the library in search, and to everything I show her I get "the look" that only a 7th grader can give when they think their librarian has lost her mind... until, I give her the "big sell" on "Life as We Know it"..."the look" lets up a little and as she thumbs through it, she notices it is signed with that apparently now much sought after signature- eyebrows going up, she says "you actually MET this author?" BINGO for whatever reason the mere thought that you had that book in your hands intrigues her. Fast forward to today when she comes to me and declares, book in hand "this is the VERY BEST THING I have ever read- it is now my favorite book!" So even if someone is trying to scam your money, or exploit your signature, and even if you still have "stinky jeans", and even if the movie is as stinkeroony as you think it might be (the movie never holds a camera to the book anyway) keep in mind that no matter what, you are still #1 in a lot of readers' hearts ;)

Nancy said...

Hi, I'm one of the individuals that requested bookplates from you. When you gave out copies of d&g on CD, I got one of those, too (as well as the wonderful book The Ring of Truth). I don't belong to any site that promotes collecting signed works, and I didn't even know they existed. I'm just lucky to live near Ann Arbor, home of Borders Group, so we tend to be a stop on a number of author tours. That helped me get started with my small library--I won't call it a collection, as I read these books!--of signed books.

All of this is to say that I'm very thankful that you do things like send out bookplates. I haven't listened to d&g on CD yet, because I've been waiting for winter. I listen to audiobooks while I drive to work in Detroit (only twice a week, but it's an hour and a half one way), and I want that extra atmosphere of snow and cold. After I listen to the book, I've been trying to decide to if I want to either donate it to a local library (except that donations usually get sold rather than shelved) or offer it in the bookswap at Goodreads.com (it's a place where you can offer books to other people and they pay the price of shipping).

I'm thankful for the fact that you share so much with your readers, and I want to pay it forward to by sharing d&g with someone, too.

KSSxJonas said...

Dear Susan,
I found your book Life as We Knew It last year at my library, and I read it and was obsessed with it! I bought it at the bookstore and reread it too many times to count. This afternoon I was at the library again trying to find a book that I could do my book report on. You'll never guess what I found instead. I had NO idea you were writing a second and third book and let me tell you, when I found The Dead and the Gone, and This World we Live in, it easily made my week. Thank you so much for writing these books, I consider Life as We Knew it one of my top five favorite books of all time. I can't wait to finish the second and third! Keep writing you're awesome!
-Sarah

Nina said...

I also would like to say that so many of my 6th, 7th and 8th graders find your books and read and re-read them. I have also book talked them so heavily in the faculty room that we now have faculty arguing over who gets to read them first (when I can get a copy on the shelf, I have had to bring in my own copies to share!). So I also would like to add my thanks. There aren't many books and series that really stand up to and appeal to so many different age groups. You are definitely a hero to many at Medomak Middle School here in Maine!

Nina said...

I also would like to say that so many of my 6th, 7th and 8th graders find your books and read and re-read them. I have also book talked them so heavily in the faculty room that we now have faculty arguing over who gets to read them first (when I can get a copy on the shelf, I have had to bring in my own copies to share!). So I also would like to add my thanks. There aren't many books and series that really stand up to and appeal to so many different age groups. You are definitely a hero to many at Medomak Middle School here in Maine!

Nina said...

Sorry for the double posting! I was told by blogger that the first one didn't go through :*(

Susan Beth Pfeffer said...

Hello and thank you to Lisa and Nancy and KSSxJonas (aka Sarah) and Nina-

All your comments cheered me up. I really appreciate them.

Macy's took the stinky jeans back and The Social Network was every bit as good as I thought it would be. I automatically deleted the email from Western Union and Bob Whatshisname hasn't claimed I've given him money in 24 hours.

So I guess my life is on an upswing!

ETA: And yet, my word verification, which is almost never a real word is "worst."

What does Google know that I don't know (well, pretty much everything, but what does it know about my future is the real question).

Anonymous said...

You may have unintentionally come up with the title of your next book.

Anonymous Santa Fe

Susan Beth Pfeffer said...

Hi Anonymous Santa Fe and thank you for both your comments-

At this point I think I'm being eaten alive by Goldilocks and the three vicious ducks!